Who's In Control?

This morning we received news that a girl my wife went to school with was killed in a head-on car crash yesterday.

It's difficult to put into words what news like that makes you feel. I personally did not know this girl. I know of her and I know of her family- they are a missionary family that live here in Caronport. My wife knew her casually at best, but well enough to have a friendly conversation whenver their paths crossed after graduation.

For me, the worst part about this news was the fact that she was a wife and a mother to two kids who are about the same age as my two angels. It is that part of the story that tugs at my heart strings the hardest and makes me wonder what God is thinking in allowing something like this to happen.

I don't doubt God's plan. I don't doubt for a second His promise to not let us bear more then we can handle. This is a situation though when I come before Him and ask why?

Why does he see fit to let these two little kids grow up without their mother? Why is He allowing this poor husband to carry the burden of having to raise two young souls who will no doubt be asking him where Mommy has gone?

I think of my own family situation and I can't help but wonder what I would do if put into the same situation. My wife and I talked about that today as we drove along the Trans-Canada highway, feeling slightly less safe and sure of ourselves then we normally do when driving.

Having grown up not knowing my birth Mother- she died when I was 2- I am all-too familiar with the painful curiosity that comes from never knowing one of the most important people in your life. I am well aware of the days when you feel robbed or cheated. I am well aware of the sleepless nights when you lie in bed and wonder, "What would life had been like if only she was still here?"

Having outlived both my parents- my Dad died in when I was 20- I've come to learn that the why questions will probably never be answered (at least not in the way we might like) while we continue to dwell on this earth. For a long time that really bugged me. I wanted answers. I felt like I deserved something; like I was owed answers in return for God taking my parents away from me and forcing me (and the rest of my siblings) to endure such heartache and loss.

I am learning that there is no discerning the plans of God. They are far too elaborate for a simple man like me to understand. I'm learning to be content with that and to trust without conditions. My faith in God is not based on how much inside information I am privy to. Once upon a time my allegiance did come with that price tag- which would suggest that, in spite of my many convincing "masks", I had no allegiance at all.

Instead, as troubling as news like today's can be to the human heart, I find myself falling to my knees before my God and simply praying for the day when God's children no longer have to endure this pain and hardship.

Parents premature passing, tragic car accidents, whatever hardships God decides to put in our paths, should not crumble our faith. Rather, they should strengthen our resolve so that no matter what- no matter how many trials litter the pathway- we will continue to follow the road that will one day lead us home to Heaven.