The Fall Classic

The thought of a Chicago White Sox versus Houston Astros World Series matchup has me as excited as Monitone Mary who does the in-game promotions at Warriors games. I know none of you in blog-land will have a clue who I'm talking about but trust me, she's as horrid as they come.

If Houston finishes off the Cardinals tonight- and all signs point to them doing just that- then I think MLB officials will need to remove the C-L-I-C from the word Classic and have themselves a more fitting title for what this World Series will resemble better. Let's just say it will be tough to "crack" a smile during what will be a painfully boring World Series.

Maybe I'm alone in this but I just have a hard time getting excited about watching two vanilla teams like Houston and the White Sox. Sure it's been like a thousand years since the Sox last went to a World Series and didn't lose on purpose. And sure it would be the Astro's first ever trip to the big dance, but that doesn't really do anything to get me pumped for a true "Fall Classic".

Years from now we'll look back on this World Series and remember the greatness of a 30-year-old "rookie" second baseman named Tadahito Iguchi. Or we'll remember the majestic swings of one-year wonder Morgin Ensberg. Or perhaps we'll be filled with intrigue and wonder about whether Roger Clemens' 90-year-old hamstring is going to stay together long enough to allow him to pitch one more over-puffed game? Last year we go from Schilling's bloody sock to the Rocket's tight hammy? Are we so in need of a story line that now every aching body part becomes a source of drama? Hey, I gotta pimple that's about to explode like Mt.St. Helen's, come and put me on Fox!

I'm thankful the hockey lockout happened last year and not this year. Last year we had a playoff run that was truly exciting. The right teams were winning and the games were exciting to watch. I have yet to watch a full game of this postseason and I consider myself to be a die-hard fan. Albeit I did take in about 15 of the 18 painful innings in the Braves/Astros game 4.

I have yet to find a team to root for; an underdog to attach myself to; or a character that has given me any reason to tune into this "drama" on a nightly basis. Craig Biggio? No thanks. I'd rather watch Conan. Paul Konerko? I'll take 3 hours of Max & Ruby on Treehouse then watch a one-dimensional player like that get voted ALCS MVP- how does Joe Crede not get that BTW?

Andy Pettitte? Been there done that. Looked better in Yankee pinstripes if you ask me. AJ Pierzynski? I don't think it's just other Major Leaguers that think this guys a showboat and a windbag.

Perhaps the best reason to tune into the 2005 version of the "Fall Classic" is to see how badly the umpires can screw up on a nightly basis. Rest assured poor Mike Scioscia and company will have a good 4-months of sleepless nights going over how many times the umps screwed them out of a World Series birth.

I know baseball is striving for parity without being able to instill a salary cap system and I'm all for that. I just hope that before too long we can start seeing the teams that people really care about battling it out for baseball's top prize. At this pace, next year's Series will see us with a Tampa Bay Devil Rays versus Arizona Diamondbacks matchup.

I'd rather cheer for Rafael Palmeiro in a steroid eating contest against Jose Canseco than watch many more "classics" like the one we're about to witness.

Bring on the hockey!